Catherine A. Hakala

One of the side effects of chemotherapy is called chemo brain. For Catherine, it was as if she had the beginnings of Dementia. Her thought process slowed down. It could cause a confusion. At first, when she would experience it, she would start tapping the side of her head in frustration of the smallest thing she was trying to remember, or do. As gently as I could I would ask her not to do that, don't do that to yourself. Sometimes I would physically put my hand on hers to get her to stop. I’m close enough for a hug now. It'll be okay, it'll be okay. She would calm. Recently, she was doing less tapping on her head when she didn't remember but the chemo brain never went away. More than once she would tell me while she was crying that she just wanted to go back to before all of this. I just want to go back. She started watching Gunsmoke and Andy Griffith on TV. I would put them on the DVR and we would watch and she'd laugh at Barney and we'd have to look up an actor on Gunsmoke that went on to do other shows because we just couldn't remember who they were. Those shows were on when we were kids. She never really watched those re-runs until recently and I never put it together until now. It was something to go back to before. I want to go back, too....

February 25th, 2025, a train rolled by around 4 in the morning. It woke both of us up and we each commented how loud the train was. I used the bathroom but as I sometimes did, I would open my kindle and play solitaire because I couldn't fall back asleep. "I’m taking that away from you", she said. She never did for the many times she said it. She slept. I stayed up until it was time for her to get up. It would be early. 6:30 in the morning. We weren't morning people, but she was scheduled for chemo at 7:30. She told me the night before she was actually looking forward to it because she was going to see the head of oncology. "I haven't seen him in a while", she said. It's a lovely morning here in De Pere. The cold snap that came through northeast Wisconsin just a few days earlier was being replaced by some spring like temps and it was a nice sunny morning. We were just getting rolling to the start of our day. She was sitting in her chair in the living room. I asked if she took her meds. "Yes", she said. "You should eat something", I said. Some mornings we had an instant protein drink when she didn't want to eat. No drink this morning. She didn't want to have to get up to use the bathroom while having to roll an I.V. in with her. We settled on a string cheese. It never got to be opened. Her heart gave out, of all things. After all she had gone through and was going through. She was having a bitch slap with Stage 3 Hodgkin’s-Lymphoma and progress was being made considering the effects she endured from her very first round of chemo. It was not good. Not good at all. She fought on and was getting better slowly but surely despite the cancer on top of everything. I guess it was all too much... 

When I met her, she was called Chuck by some of her friends or Cath/Cathy. Family usually called her that. From pretty much day one I called her Catherine. She found that romantic, like beauty and the beast, and the way he called her Catherine. We really didn't argue a lot, name calling, the silent treatment. I'd go to my corner and she'd go to hers. I was going through some of her things when I found an apology note that I had written from what... thirty years ago and had slipped under the bedroom door. I know that because I said that in the note. I didn't remember. She used to stick her tongue out at me when we finally cooled and I told her in the note that was one of the little things I loved about her because that was her way of telling me she wasn't mad anymore. I completely forgot about me telling her that. I’d see her doing that to me for the rest of our relationship. She did that. She didn't forget... 

On May 9, 1958, in Flint, Michigan, Catherine was born to Emil and Barbara Larson. The young family ended up in Gwinn, Michigan in 1965, where Catherine graduated high school in 1976. The stories she would tell me (and so many others) about her formative years there. I'm sure she's been telling Barb and Emil some pretty good stories at this very moment. She might even be having some choice words with her ex-husband that gave her that mouthful of a last name. Oh my! Look out Elvis! She's pushing to the front of that line! 

She herself was more than capable of keeping everyone she met entertained. It wasn't in a spotlight way. It wasn't stand-up comedy. She worked up close. Wait! Okay, so it wasn't always intimate. Especially when she was younger and had a beer or six. Catherine had a sense of humor that could make you fall in love with her. She could be foul mouthed one minute, goofy the next, but then be able to make an observation that made you think where did that come from? But it was funny. She also had such a wonderful way of being able to connect to someone. She could be engaging, she made you a friend. She had many people she knew. I want all of you to smile when you think of her and I know a lot of you are. 

Catherine spent all of her working life in food service, always in a supervisory position as a head cook in nursing homes, a school, or a residential facility for everything from Alzheimer’s to troubled youth. Her last employment was with family services before she retired. Then there's Sundara. It's a nonprofit house for developmentally disabled adults in Marquette, Michigan. That's where we met. 1985? Oh, Jesus! How bad is that? Catherine probably knew the day and month, let alone the year! I can't ask her now. Aw, ****. That was another of Catherine's traits. She had a pretty good memory. I'll miss that because she was able to keep our history alive. Good and bad. Ups and downs. That's life. Let's see...she was a little bit more country and I was a little more rock and roll. Not that she couldn't have a crush on Steve Perry, or Elvis! Again! Oh my, he was handsome. We'd enjoy our music mix together. I never really ate black olives until I met her. Pizza Sunday! She'd have to sit outside and catch some sun. Do some reading until it got too hot. Or bugs bugging. She did that.

 Oh, I’m Jon, the husband, but to this very day I was also the boyfriend. It took us awhile to get married (we lived together for a long time) but even after we did that's what she would call me. When I met her, she had two young boys, Christopher and Emil Castignanie. (I said the name is a mouthful and it made less sense the way she pronounced it.) She was happy to change her name to Hakala. Chris (grandkids Graham and Emma) are currently in Washington state and Emil is in Texas (grandkids Adrian, here in Wisconsin, and Eli in Texas). She stopped there with having kids, but not her mom and dad. They were busy! Hey! It's a large family. I didn't have that. I do now. It's never perfect. There's ups and downs. That's life.

Catherine had a unique relationship with each of them but know that she loved and cared for all of her family. Sister, Jan (Brad) Stried in da U.P. and Florida. Nice, hey! Sister, Cindy (Tim) Beauchamp (nephew Justin). Yoopers too. Sister, Sally Verpooten (Steven in the U.P.) (nephew Daniel Berryman) both in Wisconsin. Brother, Jim (the fib) (Gina) (nephew Riley, niece Courtney) in Illinois and brother, Greg in the U.P. Close cousins: Lauri, Terri, Jim and Missi. Furry friends Brooks and Sully the scamp. The Radtke clan. Catherine has some dear friends I should mention. Here in Wisconsin there's mama Jill Reinhard (with her grandkids Jordan, Breanna and Madison... don't forget friend Dean) and Debbie Hocking. She's originally a Yooper. Sherry and George Swauger are in Florida. They were Yoopers too. We're everywhere! What's the capitol of the U.P......Green Bay! There's David and The Hankster. Friends, Cilla, Jackie (furry friend Sol) and so many others from family services. 

There are so many more people she knew that would be considered good friends here in Wisconsin and in da U.P. and who else who knows where and I’m sorry but I have to stop somewhere. You know who you are. She did that. Sure, there's the main course but Catherine came to this life for the cake. you know, when it's time to lighten up a bit and enjoy the sweetness and laugh and maybe sometimes cry but always make sure to laugh again. She did that.

A special thanks to EVERYONE involved at Bellin in Green Bay and Oconto. 

Life. In and out.

Catherine will be cremated. There will be no service. We are planning to have a celebration of life sometime this summer. 

P.S. The photo of Catherine was taken in July of 2024. it's in Grays Harbor, Washington on the beach there. the Pacific Ocean! Yes, it's only half of a sand dollar, but one of the kids gave her that and that made her smile. We brought that home with us. It wasn't a particularly nice day but it didn't matter. We were there to visit Christopher, Graham and Emma. That's what mattered most... she wasn't too thrilled with the prospect of flying but we did. I’m so glad she got the chance to go.